Saturday, September 19, 2009

Moving....

No, we're not moving... my blog is.

For a few reasons:

1- Wordpress is a better blogging engine than Blogger... sorry blogger.

2- I read a book about tribes, and blogging and such, and I came to realize that this blog has no actual purpose. So, I'm going to edit this extensively. My new blog www.jdharney.wordpress.com will be strictly about me as a husband, dad etc. I will talk only about my personal life and journey in these areas. I'll also be starting a ministry blog to chronicle that aspect of life. It will be more for HS leaders/parents, maybe students.

So, check the new face of the blog out at wordpress, and subscribe... I'd love to have your input!

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Day of 9's

Today is 9-9-9... it's currently 9am, so I thought I'd read some wisdom from the 9th chapter of Proverbs. The 9th verse smacked my face, and really was unsettling in many ways.

Save your breath for the wise—they'll be wiser for it;
tell good people what you know—they'll profit from it.

That seems to make no sense at first glance. You can read that this way. Don't waste your time with fools, just talk to people who are wise. Shouldn't someone who is wise talk to someone who is struggling? How would the fool ever find help if all the wise people shunned him like, well... a fool?

After I took a breath... I got it.

My dad used to say "Son, there are two types of people. Some listen and learn, others live and learn. Which will you be?"

Meaning that some people can talk to someone and learn something and stay away from a bunch of guilt and regret in life. Other people say "yeah, whatever" and have to live, build up guilt and regret and then they'll look back and know what they "should" have done. That person is a fool.

So, it's not about not saying anything to someone who acts like a fool, and not trying to help. But, it is realizing that some people some times... just need to live and learn, and at the end of that road they will look back and say "OHHHH, that's what they meant." "Stupid"

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

A day I don't want to remember...

Not sure what happened today.

I had a great day yesterday. Labor Day, had nothing to do but hang with the fam. I played basketball, took a nap, watched two movies and laughed A LOT! You would think after a day like that, that a guy would be Mr. Sunshine and Lollipops. I gotta be honest though... I'm not!

I have been the most judgmental jerk today. Mostly in my heart and head, but it has found it's way out through my mouth/fingers a few times. I've felt disinterested in people and their feelings and have even caught myself desiring to destroy someone with my words. Because "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never harm me" is the biggest lie in the history of lies.

I've asked God why I'm feeling this... asked and desired for it to leave. I've confessed this feeling to people around me in hopes that getting it out of me would help it pass. So far, nothing.

So, I come to this place... where I process life. Bear my soul... maybe some video games with the boys will turn it around.

Monday, September 07, 2009

I'm sorry, but why?

I love perusing the "christian" book section while waiting on my sons to pee at Wal*Mart. I find the funniest things there. This one though took the cake.

Photobucket

Who are these books written for? What is the expected result? I'm not trying to be a butt... I just don't get it... Maybe I'm just an idiot and everyone else is so excited to see theses on the shelf.

P.S. I apologize to the writers of said books... didn't mean to crush your experience... you got published *yeah!*

Best I can tell... you just come out 67 minutes ahead if you read these two books back to back. Not much else.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

What wise people know.

Wise people know that they don't know everything.

That's counterintuitive because you would think that wise, or intelligent people, would be the ones that everyone would come to to get answers to their questions... right?

Well, there's one thing I've learned in life.

Wise people know when they don't know.

I'm not good at that. Too many situations in life make me feel as though I have to have all the answers, and I have a hard time of saying many times "I don't know".

But not only do wise people know when they don't know. Wise people aren't afraid to go to someone who does know.

Wise people ask questions, and lots of them. That honestly makes me think that my 5 year old is a genius, and if you think about it... he does learn a lot every day. And what does he do all day? Ask questions. I read once that the average 5 year old asks 473 questions per day... no wonder they learn so much at this age. Why do we ever stop that? I guess someone along the way told us we ask too many questions, but I honestly believe that person was/is a fool.

So here I sit... grateful for wise people in my life who help me be just a bit more wise, and I'm hopeful that I'll be wise enough to realize when I'm at my limit and humble enough to ask for help.

Friday, September 04, 2009

I get to do this...

Photobucket

This is where I spent my Friday night.

No, I don't have a son in high school, or a daughter cheering. I do though have a bunch of adopted kids in the stands, walking around, playing, cheering, you name it!

It's cool too, because I'm not just the weird bald guy in the stands... stalker old man. I'm actually greeted by these soon to be adults. They smack the fence, and run up behind me. They introduce their girlfriends, and talk about their ex's. I'm their fan on the field or off, and I LOVE IT!

My job/life... is amazing, and I'm so thankful!

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Top 5 moments this Summer...

As summer 2009 draws to a close, I thought I'd take a second to reflect on what went down. Too many times in life I rush from one season of life to the next without any pondering or celebration. These are a few of my favorites:

Spencer (my son) accepts Christ
Yeah, I know this was in May, but it was a bang up way to start the summer. My oldest son putting all the pieces together and realizing a need for God, accepting Him and beginning his own journey.

3 Awesome Road trips
Every Summer we do Road Trips with Blue Ridge instead of a camp. This year we had three amazing trips take place, heading to Charlotte, Myrtle Beach and New York City. We saw students take HUGE steps in their relationship with God, and share really hard things with each other. I had the honor of being with the NY peeps.

151
That's the number of high school students we had just a week ago. People who know me, know that the numbers really don't matter, but WOW! When I saw that... I was blown away. I never got into student ministry thinking that I would ever be a part of a big ministry. I just wanted to be a part of a few students lives and watch them grow up into amazing adults. That creates a space issue, but I'll take that problem any day!

10 Baptism's in August
You'll be hearing about August 30th from me for quite some time. It's an amazing day when 34 people say yes to God and are baptized. It's a fantastically amazing day when 10 of those 34 are high school students. I love seeing life change in high school students.

Spencer's Baptism
August 30th 2009 again! A milestone in my life. What a celebration! With tear filled eyes and a choked throat I knelt next to a glorified cattle trough and baptized my oldest son. What I'll never forget was the emotion he showed. Little tears filling his eyes, and such an outward expression of joy from him to his mother as he came up. MAN! That's better than crack!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Ever known a fool?

An old Christian proverb goes something like this:

"A fool finds pleasure in evil conduct, but a person of understanding delights in wisdom."


Have you ever known someone like that? Someone who won't listen no matter what? You see them walking into disaster, something COMPLETELY boneheaded and try to warn them, but you might as well be verbally talking to Helen Keller. It's not getting through.

In fact that proverb makes it out that it's almost like a game to a fool... they find pleasure in their folly.

Not only have I known, and currently know people like this. I have been this person before, and I'm sure I'll do it again.

Anticipation...

At Blue Ridge we have baptisms just 4 times a year. Unlike most church ministries though, we make it an all day celebration rather than a funny little footnote on the end of a service.

Tomorrow will be a very special baptism service in my life.

Here's why:

#1 and most importantly of all... my son will be baptized. His choice, none of my pushing and he's pumped! It's been a cool journey watching him grow his own understanding of God, and begin a neat journey of his own. Tomorrow will put an exclamation point on that, and I not only get to see it, but I get to participate. Needless to say I CAN'T WAIT! I know I'll be a crying soppy mess, but it's worth it!

#2 this will be the largest student ministries baptism we've had yet. So far there are circa 30 people getting dunked. Out of those 30, 15 will be in middle school or high school. Out of those 15, 10 are in high school. We're seeing students take authentic steps of faith in all areas of their lives, and they're not doing it blindly or with washed brains. No, they're doing it with big hearts and excitement/love for God.

If you see me tomorrow and I'm floating a little... don't worry about it, it's absolutely normal. The anticipation is KILLIN ME!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Hard Stuff...

My life and job are full of times that I have to say hard stuff to people that I care about deeply. This week has been an especially difficult one with that dynamic of my life.

I know it's good, and I know its the best/wise thing for me to do, but I'm so spent right now.

My parents are staying with us this week, and my dad said something that is so relevant to this idea today.

"Common sense is lost"

This isn't a "I hate society" statement. Rather a "Culture is changing" statement.

Common sense is uncommon, and SOME, not ALL of the conversations that I have with people should just be common sense. Honestly, that then wrenches my heart and upsets me.

Then I remember... I do stupid stuff all the time too. I quickly calm down and become grateful for the people in my life that have and do say hard things to me, and have helped me to gain what I have come to recognize as common sense.

I'm glad for people like this, and hope I can be that person for someone else.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

My Love Affair...

I love words... a single well placed word can say so much. I honestly feel sorry for people that feel like they need to fill every open hole in their sentences with an expletive. It's as if the language part of their brain never developed past that of an infant.

I digress...

This started with me as a child... loving to read, loving to be read to. From there it developed more and more into my late childhood to early teens. I can remember a specific instance where I realized I liked words more than most. I was 11 years old and I had just purchased a new bike with money I had saved from my paper route. It was a bright blue Dyno D-Tour with white tires.
Photobucket

I had picked it special from the bike shop and saved for about a year. I can remember riding it the first time in my neighborhood over to my friends house. As I was doing a brake stall at his front door while talking I was explaining to my friend how fast my new bike was. I said "It's as fast as the proverbial wind." My friend looked at me with a face that said "WHAAAA?"

Granted I didn't use that word exactly right. I guess the wind is infamous in it's own way, but the love affair began there. I actually began reading the dictionary. Words were fascinating to me. I even started trying to use a new word a day in a conversation. I'm a freak I realize, but I was in love.

So, if I ever use a big word... I'm not trying to look smarter than I really am. I'm just a kid in love.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

TIME...

Time is a sly invention.

We all have a set amount of it, and we're not getting anymore. In fact, I'm losing time every second... they just tick, tick, tick away. Time is something we all want to learn how to use better, but are afraid many times to really answer questions like "What did I do today?" or "What did I do this year?"

We make promises to ourselves to "get in shape" this year. Or finish this statement how you last did "I'm going to start..." working out, reading more, studying really hard, spending more time with my family, calling my mom more, eating breakfast. Our intentions as pure as they can be, and yet we fail ourselves.

And if you're anything like me... you realize that you've not done what you wanted to do as time goes by and then you try to make up for your lack of follow through by doing one big push. Me... I say "Oh crap! I haven't been working out consistently" and then I will go at it really hard for one day in the hopes of getting back to where I was when I left off. It doesn't work as you know... I end up hurting myself, or being so sore that when the next day comes around for my workout... I can barely move.

Here's what I know... Small investments of time over long periods gain cumulative results!

So instead of asking "What time is it?"

Start asking a new question...

How am I spending my time?

Because all of the time we are given in our lives will be spent, but will it be used in a way to bring value to our lives?

I don't think I'll ever look back and wish I didn't spend the time eating dinner with my boys... where will you invest small chunks of your time over a long period to bring a cumulative value to your life?

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Funny how life changes

in the last 5 years my life has shifted dramatically. Not necessarily all for good, or all for bad, just different.

In high school, college and beyond my life was pretty much centered around music. I was always singing, playing instruments and around people who were like that. I played the sports and stuff, but music was my deal. I loved to sing... still do. I loved to create music with playing the piano and trumpet for many years. Writing songs for our senior show to commemorate people we lost that year. Later, learning to play the guitar and singing favorites like John Mayer, Dashboard Confessional and others.

Then something happened... not sure what, but something. I know my job change affected it to some degree, because music was not a core part of what I "do" anymore. Consequently though I've grown to miss it.

I guess I'm getting "ferclept" because I'm sitting in my basement, looking at two guitars that are covered with dust like old books in an antiquities part of a library. I dream from time to time of getting up like I used to in front of crowds and singing my heart out. Spilling out my soul for everyone to see and walking away feeling more whole than when I arrived. To some it is scary, to me it was fulfilling.

But, alas... that is not my path.

Now I speak, something I would have never seen coming. I'm still uneasy on a weekly basis thinking about it. Stomach churning, mouth getting dry... stuff I never experienced singing. It makes me ask why many times, but I always come back to the same answer.

Singing was easy... Singing is easy... Easy was never promised to me. That almost feels masochistic and I guess in some way it is. I'm losing "my life" to gain "real life"

So, I put that down again... walk away from it... will sing with my heart and let go of the rest.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Be who you are and nothing else

I'm not a home improvement guy... that has been made VERY clear to me. This week I dove into a project head first only to find myself drowning. A great friend and a fellow guy who loves teenagers as much as me came to my rescue. Tim Davidson, after spending 13 hours at my house yesterday helping me put a new shower/bath in my bathroom made me think about the following:

I'm speaking to you out of deep gratitude for all that God has given me, and especially as I have responsibilities in relation to you. Living then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all to you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what he does for us, not by what we are and what we do for him.

In this way we are like the various parts of a human body. Each part gets its meaning from the body as a whole, not the other way around. The body we're talking about is Christ's body of chosen people. Each of us finds our meaning and function as a part of his body. But as a chopped-off finger or cut-off toe we wouldn't amount to much, would we? So since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ's body, let's just go ahead and be what we were made to be, without enviously or pridefully comparing ourselves with each other, or trying to be something we aren't.

If you preach, just preach God's Message, nothing else; if you help, just help, don't take over; if you teach, stick to your teaching; if you give encouraging guidance, be careful that you don't get bossy; if you're put in charge, don't manipulate; if you're called to give aid to people in distress, keep your eyes open and be quick to respond; if you work with the disadvantaged, don't let yourself get irritated with them or depressed by them. Keep a smile on your face.

Love from the center of who you are; don't fake it.

Thanks Tim for being the right arm of my body... I'll treasure working with you yesterday FOREVER!


PS... if you're wondering Romans 12:3-10 The Message

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Criticism ROCKS!

For the past year I've been the only communicator for High School at Blue Ridge. Some of my friends from college are thinking "duh" right now, but for me that's a stretch. Not where I'm going guys... keep up!

So, during that year-a-thon (mixed a time frame with a marathon) I've learned a lot about communicating to and with a large crowd of people, and believe I've grown as a communicator. It's been SUPER helpful to have someone as frank as Jeremy helping me along with encouragement and helpful criticism.

The latest criticism needed no assistance.

On Thursday at our teaching team meeting we were talking about the recent talks, and the question was asked "How long have they been?" I answered "Well, they've been a little longer than normal, but nothing big." Jeremy responded with "Well, look at the podcast, it will tell you exactly."

I thought nothing of this, as really I believed myself to only have gone over say 10 minutes.

As iTunes loaded we chatted, and I was unafraid of the result. How foolish of me.

I went to podcasts, opened the Fusion podcast to find that the last two talks were over 50 minutes long... GOO! That's horrible! I was shooting for 25-30 minutes and I went WAY over!

So, now I have been sitting here on this Saturday night... CUTTING. REMOVING. SLASHING. This problem must be resolved.

Tomorrow will be a different day... this thing will be concise!

Grateful for criticism!

You spin me around

One of the coolest things happened today! I started my day by dropping my car off with probably the most trustworthy student I've ever known. Kevin Martin, or K-mart as I call him. K-mart grew up Mennonite and I love the story that he is now at Blue Ridge, because those thoughts don't normally fit together.

K-mart is a mechanic at 18 years old and a darn good one from what I hear. He and his friends have offered their abilities and their Saturdays to take my '97 Mitsubishi Galant and make her road worthy once more. Notice I said offered... Kevin came to me... SO COOL! And such a show of their collective hearts.

Not only that, but I'm driving THIS:
Photobucket
Yes... that is a Volvo C70, and it is SWEET!

I LOVE STUDENT MINISTRIES, because I get to watch kids grow up. Kevin is a story of God. He's gone from not talking to anyone, to asking to fix my car and playing the electric guitar in our HS band.

I hope I can be a HS director until I die!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Learned something at a deeper level today

I've been explaining to people lately how as I get older, that the Bible seems to play out more and more right in front of me. Today, not only did I see it, but I felt it.

I've been working out and when I started I bought the armband for my iPod, but as time went on I started noticing how as humans... we are not connected at all. In turn... I was adding to this as I was sinking myself into my own ears whilst pushing weights around. So, I decided to ditch the iPod, listen to the horrible music they play in the gym and actually notice that there are people around me.

That's the set up... keep reading.

Today, as I was traveling from area to area I ran across an older gentleman that I had not seen before. He looked to be about 70, and seemed to be struggling just a bit with his current exercise. I smiled at him, nodded and continued on. Like I said I didn't notice any huge health problems with him outside of normal age wear and tear.

Later in my workout as I was sitting on the Pec Fly machine this same man walked by. This is when it happened. As he walked by, and really I mean as he pulled himself by me, I noticed that there was more going on then I had previously recognized. Apparently he had experienced a stroke, and looked like a sizable one at that. His entire right side was all but incapacitated. He was pulling his right leg, his right arm was basically limp at his side and his face drooped a little. As I'm taking all this in he turned in a reciprocal manner and smiled a crooked little smile at me.

In that moment... I saw my dad. My dad hasn't had a stroke. In fact my dad doesn't have really any health problems. But in his eyes I saw my dad, and my heart broke. Don't get my wrong... I felt bad for this guy on his own, but seeing my dad as my mind fooled me tore me up. I choked and fought back tears, and had to end my workout early.

This moment taught me at a deeper level what Ephesians 6 means when it says "honor your father and mother". Honor the memory of what they've done in the past. Honor the current people that they are. Honor the fact that one day they won't be with you any longer, and you should make the most of this time.

Thanks mom and dad for making my life a real life Cleavers episode... I was/am so blessed, and I'll ALWAYS honor that from this point forward.

Monday, August 10, 2009

STUPID TEST

I take this Myers-Briggs test about once a year in hopes that it will tell me something different. I know I am the definition of insanity "doing the same thing and expecting a different result". I just can't help myself. The following is what Mrs. Myers and Mrs. Briggs think of me.

You are frank, decisive, and assume leadership readily. You quickly see illogical and inefficient procedures and policies, and develop and implement comprehensive systems to solve organizational problems. You enjoy long-term planning and goal setting. You are usually well informed, well read, enjoy expanding your knowledge and passing it on to others. You are forceful in presenting your ideas.

As if that doesn't sting the soul enough... the wrap up the savoir faire with who you're like:

Famous people with your same ENTJ personality include: Franklin D. Roosevelt (I'm OK with) , Harrison Ford (Indian Jones!), Steve Martin (funny), Whoopi Goldberg (uhhhhh ok), Sigourney Weaver (getting worried), Margaret Thatcher (the "Iron Lady"?), Al Gore (DANGER, DANGER... WHERE'S MY LOCK BOX?), David Letterman (not all that funny, and seems a little jerky) and Jim Carrey (Funny, but doesn't seem very relationally well adjusted).


That list to me looks like a "Who's Who of Loaners". I keep hoping my test will tell me that I'm warm, and caring and compassionate, and that little puppies cry when they see me. That everyone loves me, and that I'm perfectly suited for what I do. Yet again and again it says "You are unqualified".

Good thing I don't let a test be my determining factor for life. CRAP... that's my ENTJ coming out again.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Let's talk about the weather

In Men in Black 2 Agent J (Will Smith) is on a mission searching for the "Light of Zartha". He eventually has to go get his old partner Agent K (Tommy Lee Jones) back for some help in this most important mission.

Now as is standard in Big Willie style movies... Agent J (The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire) falls in love with a beautiful woman named Laura Vasquez that just happens to work in a pizza shop. Totally believable so far. Agent J (Mr. July) decides to not "flashy thing" her keeping her memory in tact. And as the movie goes on we quickly realize that Laura Vasquez is not of this world at all. In fact, not only is she an alien, but she IS the "Light of Zartha" made evident by one of the coolest things. Her mood affects the weather.

This is where I'm going... Today I absolutely woke up wishing that it was raining so I could just sit in side, maybe sulk a bit, play some video games and let the world go away. How cool would it be if our mood affected the weather. Actually maybe all of our collective moods do affect the weather, and thats why it's so crazy! So, really I just want MY mood to affect the weather, but then everyone would know how I was feeling at every moment and their personal agenda of day might try to affect my mood.

Wow! This got crazy fast! I'll just go cheer up and finish my work now.

Friday, August 07, 2009

If clocks controlled time...

It's late... I'm sitting at my desk... I should be home, but still feel like there is STUFF to do. So, I glance up to see the clock. Yes, I have an analog clock that ticks and tocks on my wall. As I look at my tickety tock machine I see something that I wish were true.

It's stuck!

Along about 5:10 my clock decided that the battery in it didn't have enough juice to move the second hand anymore, and now that poor little second hand is struggling feverishly to make it up and around. Alas, that grapple will be won by gravity, but how I wish what I was seeing were true.

How I wish that clocks controlled time. For my life to be in stasis at 5:10pm for just maybe another hour... that would be more than splendid.

Again though... that grapple is beyond me... Clocks don't control time, and neither do I. Time moves on whether I like it or not, and writing this blog will not help it slow, let alone stop.

So, why am I still writing? I have a beautiful wife and two rapscallion boys awaiting my arrival with bated breath I'm sure. Or at least they'll be happy to see me.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Things to know as a trip leader...

Recently I took 20 high school students and 4 other adult leaders, beside me, on a trip to New York City. It was amazing to see what God did in this group of students, and how he is using this small cross-section of our student body to affect the other 100 or so students.

I've always thought that my job is to facilitate environments where God can show off, but was finally able this last trip to put some basic thoughts to what a "leader" should realize as they lead.

#1... You have to know everything, and nothing at the same time.
Sounds absurd I know, but the paradox is an intricate balance that is necessary. Someone has to know where you're going and what's going on and when it's going on and that person is YOU if you are THE leader of a trip. At the same time you have to be humble enough in your own heart to realize that you don't know everything. You don't know what's happening inside everyone's heart. You don't know that this kid is acting funny because it's his first time away from home, and he needs his blankey, but can't say that... so he's acting like a jerk.

#2... The smallest thing can bond people and nothing can keep them apart.
The thought is basically this. Something as basic as the fart app on your iPhone can create a moment in time where a group of students bond with a leader. So, if we don't take chances with ourselves, put ourselves out there to potentially look foolish... if we do nothing... we can unknowingly assist in keeping them apart.

#3... Be Decisive not a Dictator
Everyone on a trip wants, and needs a leader. There will come a time when there will be decisions that need to be made. Something has changed, or needs to change from the agenda and everyone will look to you to lead. In that moment, be decisive.

There will be other times that everyone needs to be a part of the decision and they don't need you to chime in... don't be a dictator and inflict your will on everyone. The difference is slight, but necessary.

Lastly... remember you're not the leader.
I know it may sound cheesy, but if your trip has a God purpose... let Him lead. Learn the art of over praying and not over planning.

Took 10 years, but I think I can lead a trip now.

Friday, July 17, 2009

REDICULOUS!

So my boys are gone right now... it's still fresh. We dropped them off in Beckley, WV today at 11am with their Grandma Zelda and Grandpa Luigi... (not real names, just the boys names for them).

I know they're in good hands that love them, but I miss them horribly. Angel thinks I'm a little rediculous, but this first night is KILLING ME! I'm so used to playing Nerf Basketball with Zach every night and laughing. We tuck them in, and have a little touch lamp in their room that we act like we blow out. Then as I'm leaving the room and shutting the door I say "See you in the future", but that future is so far away right now that I can't hardly stand it.

Maybe I'm a panz... but I stood in their room, shooting Nerf ball, and crying... missing all the love that has been added to our house by two little boys.

I can't imagine life any other way... all the inconvenience melts away in the overwhelming torrent of the love of my boys.

Our reunion will be GLORIOUS!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Little Pleasures...

I just received a new print out for my phone with all the extensions correct to how I have my desk phone set up... it's not much, but it makes me smile every time I look at it.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Sleep....

I've never been much of an insomniac, but over the past week I've not slept well AT ALL! Not sure what this is all about. I've never been a night guy, meaning I'm ready to sleep around 10 PM. Now though I can't fall asleep until midnight or later and I'm waking up in the middle of the night and still waking up early.

Not sure what's going on here, but I'm not real keen on it. I feel really foggy this morning and the whole speaking for a living gig doesn't fit well with foggy. You have to have a mind about you to string sentences together in an semblance of understandable thought.

We'll see what happens

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Sometimes I just want to quit...

Today is one of those days.

I feel alone.

I feel helpless to affect life around me.

I feel like everything I do is a mistake, and no one really gets me.

I feel like packing up my family, selling our house and everything in it, both cars and buying one way plane tickets to Hawaii where we'll all live out our lives happily on the beach.


But feelings are just feelings and they will pass. Maybe I need a nap.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Hard and Bad don't have to stay Hard and Bad

I had a weird recognition of my life yesterday. I will round out my 10th year as a Student Ministries Director in about a week. That along with some recent happenings brought me to look back over the past decade. I'll spare you ALL the gritty details, but here's what I've learned.

1. Though a situation looks bleak it never stays that way... at least in 10 years it never has.
2. In the middle of EVERYTHING, there is something to learn.
3. The things that feel the hardest to do, generally end up being the easiest... it was just my brain that made them hard.
4. Quick action sets up a speedy resolve.
5. Communication is key... letting people know what's happening at all times somehow makes the situation easier.
Lastly... Someone has to be positive about it... if you are, you have the chance to change something bad into something good.

I'm definitely still growing in this area. Even as I sit here on the precipice of something large, I'm internally panicking. I can't externally, because it involves Angel, and she needs me to have it together right now. So, I write this to remind me of what I've learned, and this too will take the above turns... I'm sure of it.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Father's Day weirdness....

It's funny... I don't think I've missed my dad in YEARS. Don't get me wrong... I love my dad, and love when he comes and visits and we talk, but miss having him around? NAW!

Today... this Father's Day 2009... I miss my dad. I'm not sure if it's the fear of him dying and me being without him, or the sappy quotes about Father's I've been reading all morning, but I miss my dad.

Thanks Dad for helping to mold me into the man I am today. You may never know it, but I did pay attention.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Working out...

It's funny that you can use the words working out to mean... "Yeah, I'm working out 3 times a week." and "Yeah, that's just not working out."

Unfortunately in my life I use that phrase this way "Working out, just isn't working out."

Last week my wife and I started the push to be healthy once more. Not that we are extremely UNhealthy, but we want to be in better shape than current shape.

See the whole reason we planned to have our boys at the young age that we did, was so we could be lively and active as they got into their teenage years. Plus, we'd still be young when they were out of the house, potentially young grandparents, and through the whole process we'd be spry and active. That takes a lot more effort than it did when I was a teenager, or even in my lower to mid twenties.

So, we start that effort up again, and my shoulders, biceps, triceps, delts, you name it... are sore. Good sore, but sore none the less. Today was supposed to be a cardio day with basketball this morning, but my comrades have left me hanging, so sometime today I have to go it alone. I will enjoy my 30's, 40's and beyond... I know it's possible as I look at a friend of mine Woody who is 30 years older than me, and could probably kick my butt three ways from Thursday.

Time to get this party started

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

This cracked me up!

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

TRUST...

I had a really cool moment today. In our staff meeting there was a moment of discussion that lead to a point of a trust in the people who lead us, or not. I had definitely become a person that didn't trust anyone... especially church leaders, and I didn't flinch. I trust the people who lead me, and I had no problem trusting them here too.

I watched as some people asked a lot of questions, not that the questions were bad at all, and I just sat there.

This is a nice new place. I like feeling comfortable with my leaders.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Spencer's big night...

1st Corinthians 1:30
Spencer

That was the note where things started coming together. Spencer copied that from the screen in the Big Room during the 1st Wednesday service last night. I honestly thought he was doodling on his little pad of paper, but when I looked over I see him writing "Christ Jesus". Then I realized "He's copying this verse.

As I helped him get it written down, because he was so adamant that it must be done, I internally asked myself. "Why is he doing this?" I got the answer to that question quickly.

Spencer looks at me after copying words like righteousness, holiness and redemption and says quietly "What does this mean dad?" WHOA! In my brain I stammered like a bumbling idiot. How do I take something so huge. Something that Spencer has been asking questions about for a YEAR now, and break it down succinctly. "COME ON JOHN" I was yelling at my inner self "You're a weekly communicator, you can do this!" Not sure if I was pumping myself up, or scared to death. What came out was definitely simple, but I was unsure of it's impact upon my initial delivery. I said "Well, it means that you aren't good enough on your own." To which Spencer quickly responded "I know that dad." "I need Jesus!"

What happened then can only be captured if you have seen the show Scrubs. The main character JD (appropriate) has conversations inside his head all the time that we, the audience, are opened up to through the magic of television. That is me at this point.

"I can't believe he just said that. Is he really putting all this together. Has a years worth of conversations, and struggles, and Spencer getting frustrated with us culminated at this point?"

Then my eye was caught by Angel who mouthed to me "What's going on?" I mouthed back with tears in my eyes "I think he gets it!"

Communion was going on at this point, and I had a stale cracker and the tiniest cup of juice known to man in my hand. Uncharacteristically we were being walked through communion by Jeremy tonight. Again, inside I'm bursting waiting for this to end so I can take Spencer to a more conducive environment to have a conversation. A few minutes later that ended and as we transitioned in the Big Room to the next element... Spencer and I slipped out across the atrium, through the high school room and into my office.

I can't tell you how hard my heart was beating at this point. SO MUCH PRESSURE! He's seven years old. I really don't want him to do the whole "I said a prayer at 7, but it didn't mean anything" deal. And I can't control that, but I can be careful. So, the question is: Where do I go with this conversation when I reach my office?

I'll spare you the every little detail, but let's put it this way. Over the next 20 minutes I asked lots of questions, we read lots of snippets of the Bible, and he got it! He knew what sin was. He knew he was a sinner. He knew about Jesus, and that Jesus and God are the same person. And with little tears in his eyes he said "Dad, I want to have a relationship with God." WHOA! You dream of that moment as a father who is a Christ-follower. I always was kinda jealous every week he went to Kid Stuf thinking that he might step over that line without me, but here it was.

We read Romans 10:9-10 and talked about what it meant and then I said... "Would you like to do that?" Spencer didn't speak... just a little grin, and a shake of the head. I told him that I wanted him to pray and just tell God what he wanted. Honestly at this point I expected something small and very childish. That's not what I heard. I heard "God, thank you for Jesus. Thank you for loving me. I want you to take my whole life, and I want to live for you. I love you" I had told Spencer that I would pray after he did, but oxygen was just not getting into my lungs... I breathed out REALLY hard, and then with a gush I just thanked God for that moment, and asked that He would help me as a father to help Spencer. To never impede his relationship by provoking Spencer.

When we both looked at each other... my little man Grabbed me around my neck, and SQUEEZED me so hard, I thought I would pass out. He could do nothing but smile. We left my office, and as we walked into the atrium... everything was ending. You would have thought Spencer won a $1000. He was telling everyone what had happened to him.

I left from there that night excited, and scared. Excited that my son had grown to this place in life... scared, because the stakes had been raised on me as a father.

Now, we introduce him to the Holy Spirit, and how to live everyday in every moment WITH JESUS. Now we all learn how to ABIDE and REMAIN in Christ TOGETHER.

Oh, and we gave Spencer his first job in following Christ. To show his brother a good picture of following Christ.

One down, one to go! I always thought as a father that I would be teaching my kids... I never realized how much they would teach me.

Thank you God for my little boys.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

This chick is sick!

Things I don't like about me...

For almost all my life I've struggled with giving wrong perceptions of myself. It looks a couple of different ways, and no matter what I do to try to combat this I still fall WAY short.

It takes form of people saying that they are intimidated by me. If I was really tall, and super buff I'd have a little more understanding of this one. My wife said it's my eyebrows... that they grow angrily. SO, I trimmed my eyebrows like a super-metro. I was told by someone else that it was because I always have an answer for things. So, I started telling everyone, and I mean EVERYONE "I'm not sure... let me get back to you". Still, nothing! A close friend told me that I needed to walk out of conversations feeling like a pushover, and that my natural personality would balance me out to normal. NOTHING!

THIS IS SUCH A FRUSTRATION IN MY LIFE! I literally sat in my office yesterday after hearing about this happening again and cried. I am at such a loss.

UNFORTUNATELY, it doesn't just end there.

Seems as though at a very high rate of failure I misrepresent my thoughts to people. Somehow I give a perception that is contrary to my heart in situations. I have conversations with people, walk away from them and think "WOW, that was awesome! We really saw eye to eye there." Then I hear later that the other parties takeaway was no where, where I thought we were. So, one conversation has to then become two or three, because I have to go back and seek to understand and ask forgiveness and begin all over to move through the miscommunication.

I HAVE to think that this is a problem with me. It happens at too high of a rate with me, and not as much with other people.

So, I don't know if I need to come with some type of disclaimer or guarantee of satisfaction statement?
Photobucket

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Getting older...

I have been feeling the onset of my age. Creeping in like an oncoming thunderstorm of epic proportions.

FOR INSTANCE:

Yesterday I played an hour of basketball from 7am - 8am
Went disc golfing from 10:20am - 1pm (translation... LONG hike)
Soccer practice for Brookville JV from 3-5pm (played, not just coaching)

Today my left knee is super tight, and tired.

Summary? I'm not rebounding as well as I used to. Gotta keep going at it though... I'm not going to be the status quo old man, and I'm not even old yet... a mere 32 year old kid.

Here's to good health and exercise.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Ignorance and Arrogance is bliss... I suppose

I abhor when ignorant people try to point out ignorance....

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

We are smarter than I am...

Growing up I was taught that you needed to sit and think until you had the answer, and that no other ministry could possibly have input to the DNA of who you are in your ministry.

Basically that I have to be the smartest one......... but, I'm not, and it's good to have others.

Today we met with Taffy AKA Christopher Taffala, the worship guy from Saddleback Student Ministries.
friends

What a helpful time of sharing what God is doing from coast to coast.

Collaboration ROCKS!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Music that effects me at a deep level...







Here's one for the little weird guy/girl...

Go watch this NOW! Seems like really cool stories come out of Britain's Got Talent. I would have embedded it, but it didn't let me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Saturday, April 18, 2009

What then How...

Yesterday I took in a thought from a favorite speaker of mine that has wrecked my life ever since.

Basically he said that when leading people, that leaders need to be "what" people instead of "how" people. Meaning that I have a responsibility to help people dream. To ask them "what" makes their hearts beat fast, what big dream is inside of them. To just dream with them in a "what" kind of way. Instead of being a reality check and asking "how?"

I am a "how" guy. My first instinct is "how". Not that it will stop me from trying and going forward with an idea, but I ask "how". I crush dreams ALL the time, not excluding my own!

Don't get me wrong here... I still think "how" is important. I think "how" is necessary. I just want to be more of a "what" guy, who knows when to ask "how".

Wonder where this is going to take me?