The Pains of Love

I can't imagine burying one of my children. They are supposed to bury me! Maybe that's supremely selfish, but I did have a 25 year jump on life. Which brings the question up...is it better to have loved and then lost? or to have never loved? In the case of my close friend who has just lost his 3 month old daughter...would he have been better off never knowing her? Or will the 3 months of love last a lifetime? Real love carries with it joy, pain, excitement...confusion. A terrible canundrum of our brains and our hearts.

Joy of spreading joy

Early this afternoon we went to a house to help fix the roof. We were told that there was a little damage to the roof, and it wouldn't take us too long to repair. So we headed out with one seasoned roofer, and a slightly experienced framer, and three schmucks to try and fix it. Upon arrival we found that it wasn't a little damage. Water levels had risen to over 7 feet in this particular area, and it had uprooted a very large pine tree which found it's way through the 8-12 pitch roof. For you inexperienced roofers, unlike me...wink wink...that means it was really steep. I thought "There's no way!" "We'll never finish this today, but try we must." I'll shorten the story, but to let you in on it, at one point we had half the roof removed because of broken trusses. That's not good! We measured and cut and hammered and coersed, and others joined us, and as dusk was setting in an awesome feeling came over me as the unsuspecting family drove by to check on their uninhabitale home to find that it was that much closer to being liveable again. After many hugs and exchanges in email and address, and phone numbers, we shoved off. But, in the distance as we drove away, I saw hope for a young family with a 3 year old boy. I saw a family without hope before, who had a glimmer in their eye again. Why? Because people innertly want to be a part of something bigger than themselves, and to jump in behind something big. What if we could do that everyday? Live beyond who we are, and pour ourselves into someone else so much that the joy overflows and on to someone else. Is this a myth? or could it be true? I get so much joy, when I spread the joy.

Devastation?

I think I will use the word devastated with less frequency. To say that one is devastated is a huge term. I'm understanding more the error of misuse that we have adopted for this term by viewing real devastation. Television camera and even artistic photographers can not do justice to the pure devastation left behind by Hurricane Katrina. In the past 48 hours I taken 60 minutes worth of video and over 200 pictures, and in reviewing them...it falls far short of the pure intensity of the amzingly decrepit situation. A stench so foul that it literally takes your breath away. A land so wrought with disaster that it overwhelms you, and you find yourself sitting and wondering where to start. I urge anyone who thinks their situation is bad to experience this wasteland. Does life have devastating moments...I'm sure it does, but we need to more carefully choose the times that we define as devastating. Losing a job is a mere inconvenience compared to rebuilding life from the ground up. These images will forever be burned into my psyche when I leave, and be a constant reminder that my life...is blessed, not devastated.

When the hammer hits the wrong nail

Today I woke up at 5am central time in a tent, on a cot, in the cold. Now most times that would be a HUGE hamper to my day, but today was different. After putting down some sausage and eggs and biscuits, I joined the crew for what would be a labor intensive day. Just to give you some clarity to this, I'm in Mississippi with a crew for Hurricane Katrina Disaster relief. The devastation is still staggering, considering that the hurricane made landfall the end of August and this is the beginning of November. Boats that are miles from water, sitting in graveyards. Waterlines on walls in homes over 6 feet high. People walking around in full HAZMAT suits, just like in E.T. But in the midst of devastation we've found hope. A hope that doesn't come from money, or self-confidence. We've seen Unity, in fact I'm sitting in the middle of unity right now. A little parking lot here that has been turned in to a camping grounds. Tents, cots, campers, and they are serving three squares a day. I've seen charity. Today we put a roof on a house, and the awesome thing, the lady paid us nothing, and won't. She has no insurance, and had no plans of fixing her home, but now she can continue with her life. True love that expects nothing...not only does it excite her, but it makes me feel good knowing that I've shown a love that is bigger than I can actually give. In a thought... AMAZING LOVE! Benevolence is cool, but love is amazing, and knows no boundaries. I'm glad I can show, and act out love.

When it finally makes sense

I sometimes wonder why I do what I do...then there comes that moment. Clarity - ELATION...a fast pulse, when I remember, oh yeah! That's why! I love those moments!

Things that go bump in the night

A good horror movie has always been a friend of mine. I unfortunately haven't seen many lately, because they scare my wife, and keep her awake, and I've found that when she's awake and scared that I too am awake. The adrenaline rush though...the sheer horror, and the terrible acting...I mean really who would run upstairs if being chased by an axe murderer? I'm out the door baby! I love that lately the genre has arisen and become more respectable, still the days of Freddy and Jason...classic.

When crap don't go your way!

I've noticed in life that things rarely go according to plan. In fact my dad used to say..."Plan your day, and then plan for it to go wrong." I used to think, WOW! That's a real fatalist attitude! However, it's true. I've almost become accustomed to things getting screwed up, that it scares me when things run smoothly. I think it's part of the reason that older adults are so much more prone to bitterness. I have serious baggage with the BooMer generation, and the quote best generation ever. How did they know they were the best...they hadn't seen my generation yet. Not that GenX is full of success stories. I see them more as the "Gimme Gimme" Generations. Don't get me wrong...I respect those of the aged persuasion, but sometimes, cut me some slack...I'm not you, nor will I be. As the song says "I'm sorry, I can't be perfect". So, when crap don't go your way...look crap in the face (gross illustration) and smile. Cause somewhere down the road...you're due!

Of Life and Death

It's weird to hear of a guy younger than me dying...early twenties, everything to live for, and the end of his candle has burned. I never really understand the "Why" of this, but have grown to accept that I'm not invincible, nor ever will be. The breath I just sucked in my lungs could be my last, and as I sit on my deck watching my beautiful wife and two awesome boys...that's sad, but brings life back into...life. To live every moment for a purpose...the reason for life and death.

Add pain, mix in joy, and blend to your favorite consistency

It's funny how one thing DOES lead to the other. I watch people everyday say that funny little phrase, and then live it out. You'd think that as opposable thumb humans we would figure out that this is more than a phrase, but a truthful happening. One thing does lead to another thing, which leads to another, and most times when you use that phrase the ending point is not the happiest of places to reside. I wish I would have learned this in my youth, maybe I'd still have all my hair if I would have...

Starting Over

The idea of beginning again has always fascinated me. Just the thought of erasing everything and it being brand new, is almost inconceivable. I've come to realize that I spend way too much time on computers...I've began thinking like them. Just the other day I put a nail in the wall, and after hanging the picture noticed that it was at the wrong heigth. Not a stretch for me to completely forget to measure and do it correctly, but to just throw caution to the wind and shoot a nail into the wall. The interesting thing though was that I processed in my "pea" of a brain CTRL-Z. For you non junkies that is the keystroke for "UNDO". DUH! it doesn't work that way. What if life had a CTRL-Z function? That would rock! I screw up a conversation with someone and CTRL-Z...it's restarted and I can try again. It's like a controllable Groundhog Day...the movie. Yes, I think I will invent this CTRL-Z button...if Staples can have "Easy Buttons", then I can have CTRL-Z. Life is grand in the realm of stupidity.